Dunk Tank Flunkie

So I have been doing Paleo since the end of January and Crossfitting 5 days a week. Despite everyone raving at how much weight they have lost on paleo, I have not budged a single pound. It’s not the number that bothers me but the extra cushioning that has been there since Louisville. I know I have gained muscle so gaining weight would not bother me I just need a little less jiggle. Since I was a major carb addict – pasta, bread, rice – I thought switching to paleo would make a big difference. I thought wrong.

The Crossfit gym was having a health challenge where after determining your percentage of body fat and lean muscle you would be retested in 2 mths to see who made the most gains. Here was the opportunity I was looking for to really know what that number on the scale really meant.

The Dunk Truck offers hydrostatic weighing. You get in something akin to a  bathtub and while holding onto a metal tray you blow out all your air, submerge yourself and get weighed. I had to repeat this multiple times because I guess I am not very good at drowning. Finally the best we could do was a body fat percentage of 26%. Its probably a little high but its not too far off. As long as I do my repeat test the same way my results will be accurate. So what does that mean?

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ACCEPTABLE – excuse me?? I am a triathlete, ultrarunner, crossfitter and I have a small frame. Hence that makes me a legitimate fat ass. I have the numbers to prove it.

At this point I had been 80-90% paleo for almost 3 mths. WTF? Apparently, when you only have a few pounds to lose, Paleo is not the way to go unless you are super, super strict. Giving up my beloved bread, rice and pasta is not enough. Now dairy has to go? And by dairy I mean the morning coffee creamer and some full fat greek yogurt. ‘Cause I already gave up milk for pity’s sake! Why don’t I just eat cardboard or nothing and call it a day. I sat down with Coach Dan and I was advised to eat more vegetables. LOTS more vegetables. Ugh, eating is becoming a chore and a pain in the ass. I don’t really like all that many vegetables. Paleo has been hard enough since I am such picky eater but no dairy, no rice at all, and eat an ungodly amount of vegetables. So far I have not been very successful and so far nothing has changed. Shocking! Unlike all the people who love paleo, (yay! Bacon, bacon all the time!!), it is a chore and I think it sucks. I was sitting at a lunch meeting yesterday while the cute lady doctors devoured their chips and brownies and I sat there pulling the bread off my pre-made sandwich. All the while I am thinking is this worth it? I have been doing this for almost 4 mths now and I don’t like it and I am getting no results. F*** you and your daily apple sir!

I signed up for some pre-made Paleo meals next week so I am hoping that might make things easier. If the dunk tank re-test is not a significant change I am going back to my grains and running more miles. Paleo can suck it!

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